So many of these are off-color, so I hesitate to post them, but my amusement at ancient humour won out. Why, you ask? Well, because many of these jokes could be told today with very little change. In fact, I had to laugh when I read some of these because I have, indeed, heard modern versions of them. It’s amazing to think that we laugh at the same jokes as people who lived thousands of years ago. However, most of the jokes told by ancient people are simply incomprehensible to us, just as the jokes from other modern cultures is often baffling. Even close to home, I find that the jokes of French Canadians is sometimes baffling to English Canadians. Pierre and his father tell jokes and I’m just as confused after the translation. I can’t even begin to understand most of the Middle Eastern jokes that I find online. However, farting, sex, bad marriages, ugly wives, and dimwits have always been funny.

Well, this one is safe: A witty scholar, having no money, sold his books. He then wrote his father to say “Congratulate me. I am already making a living from my education.”

When a scholar had a child by a slave-girl, his father advised him to kill it. He wrote back, saying “First, bury your own children and then tell me how to dispose of my own.” Obviously, people have laughed at the foolish scholar or foolish professor for thousands of years. Those who think they are educated and intelligent are often lacking in common sense, and there seems to have always been ridicule for those who are overly educated. The interesting thing about this joke, which loses something in translation, is that a father in ancient time had the right to decide whether his children lived or died. The mother, especially a slave woman, had no say in the matter. That is an idea which I explore in my novel.

On a long business trip, a man visited a fortune-teller to inquire about his family. The fortune-teller said to him, “Your family is doing well, especially your father.” The man exclaimed, “But my father has been dead ten years!” “Oh, no, I meant your real father.” In another version, the man asks about his family and is told “Your two children are doing well.” The man exclaims that he has three children, and the fortune-teller says, “Oh, that’s what you think.” Obviously, jokes about cuckolded men have been considered funny for a very long time – whether it’s a case of the man not knowing who his real father is or not knowing that one of the children in his home is not really his. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Now, I’ll warn you that this next one has a bit of ewww-factor. I’m warning you.

A man was arrested for having sex with his grandmother. As he’s being hauled before the counsel, he yells at his father, “But you’ve been sleeping with my mother for years! Why the fuss when I sleep with yours?” Obviously, this was considered a heinous crime, just as it would be today. However, it’s hard to fault the man’s logic!

The modern version of this, which would still work in ancient setting, is: A man at a bar turned to the man next to him and yells, “I had sex with your mother!” Everyone in the bar goes silent, waiting to see what will happen. When he gets no response, he yells again, “I had sex with your mother, and I’m going to do it again!” Finally, the other man says, “Dad, go home. You’re drunk.”

Did you hear about the eunuch who wanted to start a business, but he just didn’t have the balls for it? While we no longer have eunuchs in the same way that the ancients did, we have the same concept of a man’s testicles holding his masculinity.

A dimwit was trying to sell some honey. People came and tasted it and said that it was very good. He replied, “Yes. If a mouse hadn’t fallen into it, I would have kept it for myself.”

A man was very sick, and his wife said, “If anything happens to you, I’ll kill myself.” He replied, “Don’t be so selfish! Do it while I’m still alive to enjoy it.” There is nothing modern about unhappy marriages.

Here is, apparently, the oldest recorded joke: How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of women clad only in fishing nets down the Nile and then urge the pharaoh to catch a fish. This dates from 1600 BCE in Egypt.

A man complained to a slave-trader that the slave he had just bought had died. “By the gods,” the slave-trader replied, “when he was with me he never did such a thing!” Monty Python had a similar joke about a dead parrot.

During an argument, one man says to another, “I had sex with your wife!” The other man stares at him in shock and replies, “I’m married to her, so I have to. Who forced you to do such a thing?” I heard this one long before I knew how ancient it was. The version of this that I first read said, “I have sex with your wife and it cost me nothing.” Does this mean to imply that it would have been acceptable had he paid the husband?

A man who had been trying for years, without success, to have a child, was congratulated on the birth of a son. “Yes, thanks to all of my friends!” he replied.

This one is cute, and some people state that it’s older than the bored pharaoh joke, but it’s not nearly as funny as some people act: One thing that has never existed since time began: a young woman who did not fart in her husband’s lap. Pierre says it makes more sense if you say “in her husband’s presence.” If you don’t get why it’s funny, don’t worry. I don’t think most of us would. The best explanation I can find is that the first part of the joke sets it up as something serious and profound, while the second part points out that women are funny and gross and just like men, can’t control their farts. (Pierre says, “Yes! You do! Women don’t fart as much as men do!” He’s funny sometimes.)

A man saw a eunuch talking to a woman and asked if she was his wife. He said, “I’m a eunuch. We can’t get married.” The man replied, “Oh, is she your daughter?” I get the impression that eunuchs were fairly common, judging by the many jokes about them.

An astrologer cast a man’s horoscope and said, “You are unable to father children!” The man replied, “But I have seven children!” The astrologer said, “Look after them well.” The suggestion is that, if one of the children were to die, the man would not be able to have any more.

A young man said to his wife, “Shall we eat or make love?” His wife replied, “You may choose as you like, but there is not a crumb in the house!” Clearly, the ancients did not believe that women were always the passive partner!

A woman desired her attractive but dim-witted slave. When she found out that both of his heads were thick, she put on a mask and danced before him. They lay together. Later, the slave said to his master, “Master, I lay with the dancer and the mistress was inside!” The play on words, then as now, was on the word “inside”, which could have meant “She was inside the house and I might have been caught!” or “She was inside the dancer”. And, well, the dirty part needs no explanation. I used a euphemism which is not part of the original.

A king was touring the city and noticed a man who bore a striking resemblance to himself. He stopped the man and said, “Excuse me, but was your mother ever in service at the palace?” “No,” the man replied, “but my father was.” The idea of the king being cuckolded and a “normal man” being his heir, has obviously been funny for a long time.

One of a set of twin dies. The survivor is asked, “Which one died, you or your brother?” A related insult, which I’ll guess has been around forever is: “Did your mother have any children who lived?”

A man asks his friend to buy him a couple of fifteen-year-old slaves. When the friend returns, he says, “I couldn’t find any fifteen year old slaves, so I bought you one thirty year old.”

A lot of jokes which we tell today are probably very ancient. Canada has “dumb Newfie” jokes, ancient Sumeria had “dumb Hittite” jokes, and very little actually changes.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this peek into the mind of the ancients.

I’m going to start a series of blog posts interviewing the characters in Rakkot Eyes. I am not going to start with the main characters. The first person to be interviewed is an old woman known throughout the story as Sabsutu. She is not a main character, although she is an important character.

Let’s get a few of the basic questions out of the way first. What do people call you?
I am called Sabsutu. I have been called this for many, many years.
What is your full name? My full name is Pushu bint Bethuel.
Does your name have a meaning? Of course. Don’t all names have a meaning? Pushu means mouse. The rest – bint Bethuel – means that I am the daughter of Bethuel.
Is there a story behind that meaning? When my older brother, Laban, first saw me, he said that I looked like a little mouse. My mother found that amusing and decided to give me that as a name. It is funny, because no one has ever accused me of having the personality of a mouse.
You said that your name is Pushu, but people call you Sabsutu? Why is this? Sabsutu is my title. I am a midwife. There are very few people who call me Pushu any longer.
How old are you? I count my years as ninety-five.
You are very old. I don’t consider myself old, although I am certainly getting older. I will admit that I no longer go to the women’s tent each month. My father saw nearly one hundred and sixty years, and I have met many priestesses who see far more than one hundred and fifty years. I still feel healthy and strong. I can stay up all night helping with a childbirth and still perform my chores the next day, although I may need a brief nap.
Did your mother live many years, then? No. My mother died in childbirth. It is a very common thing. Horribly, horribly, common. I continually study to find ways to help women survive the birth of their children.
What is your birthdate? I was born on the fifteenth day of the third month, nine years before the great king Utu-hengal defeated the Gutians.
That seems like an interesting way of describing your date of birth. Would you not rather say who was actually ruling? No. The Gutians were a terrible, barbaric people who almost destroyed our land. My father told me often about the attacks upon our home city. They were cowards who attacked simple shepherds and farmers but then run away before the troops arrived. The most wonderful thing that happened in my childhood was their defeat.
Have there been many kings in your lifetime? Utu-hengal who defeated the Gutians, Ur-Nammi who came to the throne the year my brother Iyyar was born, Shulgi who ruled for decades, Amar-Sin, Shu-Sin, and our current king Ippi-Sin.
Where were you born? I was born in what would become the city of Harran. It was only a village at the time, although the temples to Sin and his daughter Ishtar had already been built.
Who are your people? My people are Sumerian, child.
So this means that your people were ruled by a foreign group for a time? Yes. It was a terrible time. My parents were married shortly before the Gutians took control of our land.
For the record, can you tell us your basic appearance? Hair, skin, distinctive features? You wish for me to describe myself? It is an odd question. My hair is long and gray, and I wear it tied in a tail behind my head. My skin is … well, wrinkled. *Sabsutu laughs* I live my life in the desert, with the wind, sun and sand always beating against my skin. How would you expect me to look?
How tall are you and how much do you weigh? *Sabsutu stares for a moment and then shakes her head* That question makes no sense. How is a person supposed to know something like that? I am taller than your average sheep, although I weigh not so much.

Now, I’m going to ask you a bit about your family and your childhood.
Who are your parents? My parents were Bethuel and Adinah.
What did your parents do for a living? The usual things. My father was … a merchant, dealing in fine goods. He also owned many animals which he bred and sold. When I was young, my oldest brother took care of the animals for him.
Then you have brothers and sisters? Oh, yes. Bakalum is the eldest. He was thirty-five when I was born. He had, in fact, been married by then, and his wife was killed during one of the last battles with the Gutians before they had children. As I said, it was a terrible time. Next came my sister Rebekah, who was twenty at my birth. Then, my brother Laban, who was only ten. Our mother died shortly after my birth, and from the descriptions that I have been told, it was from loss of blood after childbirth. She was only fifty-three, far too young. My father quickly remarried. Five years after my birth came my younger sister Aburu, who later came to be called Beltu-Ishtar, then my sister Ana four years later. Six years after that came Agrabu, although he has been called to the land of the dead. Finally, my father’s wife birthed our youngest brother, Iyyar. He is a very young man – only seventy-four.
What other close family did you have? *Sabsutu laughs* Many, many nieces! Although I’m not sure I would call them close. Would you believe that Rebecca’s sons are my only nephews? All of my other siblings have girls. Should our family lose everything, we remain rich in daughters.
Who was your best friend in childhood? Sarai. *Sabsutu looks off into the distance with a thoughtful smile* It is too bad that we never go into the city. I have not spoken with her in many years.
Who were your other friends? The other girls in the temple.
Did you have any enemies? Oh, no, I don’t believe so. Not as a child, in any case. I had professional disputes later. But not as a child.
Did you have any pets? That is, animal companions? Sarai had the most beautiful dog. It had been brought all the way from the black lands, and it ran like the wind. We also had cats. I miss having cats around – they aren’t exactly fond of desert life, you know.
What was your home life like during your childhood? Well, I did not really grow up with my parents. Did you not realize that? I was to be a priestess, and so I was placed in Sin’s temple at a very young age, to be raised by the priests and priestesses there. That is how I knew Sarai, in fact. She and I were qadishtu.
Could you explain what that means? *Sabsutu grins and her eyes twinkle* It means that I was once a very, very beautiful girl. Oh, you are serious! You do not know what the qadishtu did? We were dedicated to the moon god, and we were trained to represent the goddess when men came to worship. Our training was in the use of sex for healing and worship. Of course, we also received training in other things, and I later discovered that my skills were best used in assisting women to birth healthy children.
What sort of schooling did you receive? Other than the arts of pleasure? We were taught to read and write, of course. We also learned accounting and economics, as well as law, biology, astronomy. We had to learn to speak and read Sumerian, the language of our people, although regular people no longer speak it. Most people speak Akkadian. History, of course. We spent a lot of time studying the traditional stories of our people. And we learned to write stories and poetry. I would say we had a good education.
What was your favourite study subject? You seemed offended when I spoke about learning the arts of love, so I will simply say that biology was my favourite.
Were you popular or a loner? I had friends. However, I was never as popular as my younger sister Aburu.
What are some important experiences or events from your childhood? The death of my mother, the births of my younger siblings, the first time that I took the role of goddess in worship, the birth of … well, anyway, there are many things that were important in my life.
Did you have any health problems? No, I’ve been very healthy. Look at me – I am ninety-five years old. Were I not healthy, I would not have survived so long.
What sort of culture did you grow up in? *Sabsutu chuckled* One that could not make up its mind. Listen – we are Sumerian, but we speak Akkadian. That is so funny, I think. No, more seriously, I would say that I grew up in a good time. People were celebrating the overthrow of the Gutians. The king had patrols on all the major roads so that travel became safe. We traded with other nations. It was a good time.
What was your religion and what were your beliefs? Religion? Should there be a name for it? I believe as all of my people do. The gods created humans in order to do their work. Life is harsh and short and that is the way the gods mean it to be. However, we humans have a long history of not doing as the gods want, and so healers and midwives like myself attempt to make that short lifespan longer?
Short? You are ninety-five, consider yourself no more than middle age, and you call that short? Do you not? Since the great flood, people have been changing. When I was born, a child of twenty was not considered ready for marriage. Now these babies are already having babies. We are dying younger, too. They say that the gods cursed us after the flood, and I am beginning to believe it is true.

Now, I’m going to ask you a little bit about your character. This may become a bit personal.
What are your bad habits? I have none. *Sabsutu laughs* The look on your face, child! I am blunt and I speak my mind. Some people consider that to be a bad thing.
What are your good habits? I keep myself very clean. Look at my teeth. *She smiles, showing a mouthful of white teeth* I use sticks from certain trees to clean my teeth several times in the day. That is one good thing about being in the desert – we can pick things like that ourselves. Were I still in town, I would have to buy things to clean my teeth.
What is your best characteristic? A strong self-confidence.
What is your worst characteristic? *Sabsutu looks thoughtful* I suppose the fact that, since I know so much more than many of those around me, I often don’t listen to their advice. However, most of my family have not been educated. Leah is an exception to that. Rachel has grown up in the desert and knows almost nothing.
What are you most proud of? I helped two mothers birth healthy children after royal doctors advised cutting them open. You look confused. Do you not know what doctors do when a child is stuck within the mother? They cut open the mother’s belly and bring out the child. It does not always save the child, but it does always kill the mother.
What are you most embarrassed by? That I did not return to Harran in time to save the mother of Leah and Rachel. I don’t wish to talk about that, child.
How would you describe your general temperament? Bossy, overbearing, and generally annoying. *Sabsutu laughs* And honest.
What are your weaknesses? I suppose the fact that I love my niece Leah as much as I do. In many ways, she takes the place of … of the children I never had. I have been sent so many prophetic dreams about that child.
What are your fears? I fear the changes I have seen in people over my lifetime. As I said, we are dying younger with each generation. I fear the drought upon our land which I can see coming. I fear the growing unrest in our land, as the Amorites continue to attack and raid – much like the Gutians did two hundred years ago.
Do you have any phobias – that is, strong and irrational fears? I don’t believe so.
Do you have any secrets? *Sabsutu is silent for a long time before speaking softly* I would rather not answer that question.
What regrets do you have? That is the same as the last question. Please, ask me something else, child. There are things which I am not comfortable speaking about.
May I ask how long you’ve had this secret regret? *Sabsutu sighs* Since around the birth of Rachel. Now, ask something else.
I am very sorry to have upset you, Sabsutu. What are your pet peeves – that is, things which generally annoy you? Stupid people.
What are the conflicts in your life? Most of my conflicts are with family. My younger sister Ubura – I’m sorry, Beltu-Ishtar – and I have not spoken in many years. She decided to take on the role of goddess permanently, forgetting that we were to be earthly incarnations of the goddess only during worship.
What motivates you? I am motivated by a desire to see Leah’s destiny fulfilled. I do not know what the gods have in store for her, but I know that I am to be a part of that.
What is your sexuality – that is, are you attracted to men, or women, both or neither? Oh, now that is a delightful question. I haven’t even answered it and already you are looking nervous. My attraction is mostly for men, although I have been known to enjoy sexual time with a woman.
Are there any words which people say you use a lot? Perhaps “Don’t be stupid”? Leah once told me that I say that often. If people would stop acting stupidly, I’d say it less often.
I think it’s safe to say that you say child  a lot. Are you a night or day person? I am not sure how a person could be a night person. We are not owls with the ability to see at night, and we naturally want to sleep when Shamash, the sun god, goes to sleep at night.
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?I think … an introvert.
Are you an optimist or a pessimist? I suppose I must be a pessimist, because I find it hard to be hopeful about the world today.
Do you have any special ability or powers? Like all trained priestesses, I have the ability to receive dreams of prophecy. Even when I am not dreaming, I often have a sense about things that are about to happen.

Now I’d like to know what sort of things you enjoy.
What is your favorite type of music? Are there different types? I enjoy listening to people play the lyre. The songs which we sing around the campfire, accompanied by the drum, are very enjoyable.
Books? What are books?
Stories and poetry, then? Oh. Yes, I enjoy that very much. *Sabsutu looks expectant, and then frowns when another question does not come* There are not different types of stories and poems. There are simply stories and poems. And I enjoy them.
Food? I am very fond of a meat and barley porridge that we make for those who are ill. It must be cooked all night and it becomes thick and sweet. Absolutely wonderful. Of course we do not make it often because someone must stay up all through the night stirring the pot.
Drink? Although date beer is very popular in the desert, I must admit that I prefer wine.
Animals? You already asked about food. Oh, as pets? As I said before, I like cats.
Social issues? What does that mean?
It means a problem or concern that affects a specific culture or people. And I’m supposed to have a favourite? If what you mean is which social issues concern me the most, then I would say the horrible rate of deaths in childbirth and the declining lifespans among our people.
Color? I’ve always liked yellow. It is not a popular color, though, and it fades fast.
Clothing? *Sabsutu frowns* I’ve never been one to worry much about clothing. I wear a simple tunic – wool in the winter, linen in the summer. It’s one long piece of cloth which I wrap around my body and tie over my right shoulder. I wear a woolen cloak in the winter. There were people who tried to get me to wear special clothing. *Her voice turns mocking* As befitting my rank. Well, my rank is a midwife, nothing more or less.
Jewelry? That’s another thing that I have never bothered with. I have one bracelet that was … that was given to me by an old friend. Nothing else.
Games? I’ve been known to play a game of dice once or twice in my lifetime. We would carve them from pieces of animal bone.
What is your greatest want? I think I’ve reached the age where there is very little that I want. I suppose I could say that I want to live long enough to see why the gods have such an interest in my little Leah.
What is your greatest need? Need? *Sabsutu looks thoughtful* People toss that word around without thinking about it. I need very little. I need food and water, although not nearly in the quantities which I might wish. I need shelter during bad weather. There was a time when I thought that I needed recognition and wealth. Well, twenty years have passed since I have had either, and I am still surviving.

Now I want you to describe your home, right now. I’m going to ask you a series of questions about your life right now.
Could you describe your home? Certainly. It is a large tent made from panels of woven goat and camel hair.
What are the furnishings in your home? Ah, now there’s the beauty of tent life. We have no furnishings. Not a single couch or table. We have panels of wool. Some of these are used to make the tent. Some are used to create rugs. Some are folded up and used as pillows. They are very versatile, you know.
What is your most cherished possession? *Sabsutu is quiet for a long time* My bracelet. Ask me another question.
What is your neighbourhood like – that is, describe the area right around your home? Oh, the neighbours are very noisy. They bleat all day and night. Of course, if they are noisy enough, we slaughter them and have a feast. The only things around my tent, other than the animals, are other tents. We keep all of the tents very close together in order to provide a degree of safety. Of course, that means I can hear my brother snore from two tents away.
What is the name of the city in which you live? We live outside the city of Harran.
Could you describe it?
During the rainy months, we pitch our tents in the plains. When it grows warmer and drier, we move into the foothills. When the temperature is so high that a person grows weary from sitting in the shade, we move into the mountains where we can still find water. Then we move back to the foothills when the first rains come and back to the plains when the rains become heavy. We move a lot.
I meant the city, actually. As cities go, it is not extremely large. It has grown a lot since I have lived there, however. I haven’t lived in Harran in the past thirty years. However, the city has two main temples – one to the moon god Sin and one to his daughter Ishtar. The royal family has a small palace there, although they rarely stay in it.
Have you ever been married? No. Naditum do not marry.
Do you have any children? *Sabsutu is quiet* I told you, I have never been married.
What is your relationship like with your family? I get along very well with my niece Leah. I think her younger sister is spoiled and needs a stick to her back. Laban and I get along well, although he likes to pretend that we don’t. Ana married an idiot. I told her so and now she doesn’t like me. Although she spends a lot of time in my tent, so I think she only says that to appease the idiot. Bakalum … well, it’s difficult to like someone without the wits to understand normal conversation.
Who is your best friend right now? I can’t really say that I have one.
Do you have any other friends? I really don’t see anyone except my family anymore.
Do you have any enemies? Yes. *She looks off into the distance for a moment.* Yes.
What sort of vehicle do you drive? How do you get around? Vehicle? I don’t know that word. How do I get around? My feet. Do you think I’m some sort of pampered queen who is carried around in a sedan chair? The day that I cannot walk alongside the rest of the family as we move from one camp to the other, that’s the day I sit down and die.
What would you consider your dream career? Oh, child, I already had it. *A slow smile builds.* Did I tell you that I once taught midwifery at a great university? I had thirty students each year. That was when they stopped calling me by my name.
So you were a famous midwife? I know a few things. Of the hundreds of women I assisted, I lost only two.
What would you consider your dream life? Next question.
What is your love life like?My love life? Oh, that is a funny question. Child, look at me. Men do not want old women. It has been at least … thirty years since I have been in the arms of a man. I was young and beautiful then.
You were sixty-five then? Yes. As I said, still young and beautiful. Now, although I am not ancient, I am still too old for most men.
What are your hobbies? What is a hobby?
A hobby is something you do for pleasure, something that isn’t work. Hobbies are not something a person has in the desert, child. We are busy from the moment we wake up until we fall asleep.
What are your finances like? *Sabsutu frowns* Finances? Is that your word for accounting? I have a few coppers that are mine, but mostly I rely on the animals that belong to the entire family.
Do you have any health problems? A few aches and pains that are coming younger than I expected, but nothing serious.
What sort of culture do you live in? Sadly, it seems to be turning into something much like what my parents described. If Bakalum still had his wits about him, I would ask him. However, Amorites have been attacking small villages and nomadic camps like ours. I have heard from traveling merchants that the roads are no longer safe. That is, those few merchants that we see. It becomes difficult to survive on trade when there is no one to trade with. The last caravan that came through, they said that the cost of barley had increased to ten times its normal value. I have never seen anything like that in my lifetime. It is strange, isn’t it? All my life, I have lived in safety, knowing that the king’s men patrolled the main roads and the rule of law applied to all. Now, as I grow old and watch my nieces become adults, the world seems to be falling down around our ears.
What religion do you follow? As in my childhood, I follow the gods of my people. Ishtar is my goddess. Sin is her father, although he tends not to listen to the petitions of women. Ishtar listens to us.
It was amazing talking with you, Sabsutu. Thank you so very much.

I just finished. 50,130 words. Hurray! It is Saturday night, which means I have a whole day to spare. I am not green with envy at those who somehow completed this *weeks* ago. Not me. Nope. Well, perhaps a little.

Tonight, Pierre said to me “Well, you now have an entire month for editing. By the first of January, I expect you to have a completed manuscript, ready to send to publishers.” He means agents, he just doesn’t know it.

Happy, happy, joy, joy. I finished. Well, sort of finished. I reached my goal of writing 50,000 words during November. I’m very happy.

Now comes the editing. I need to make sure that dates and such are consistent, and I know they are not at the moment. I need to write a few more scenes that show the growing political unrest as the empire falls apart. I have a number of scenes which I stopped short because I had no idea what to say. They must be fleshed out. I need to go through and eliminate the use of Sumerian in speech because, apparently, it stopped being a spoken language at least three hundred years before the story. Ooops! And somehow I need to stick in a scene where the men realize that Jacob is circumcised. I think I’ll get Pierre’s help for that.

But I did it!

On Twitter, @sarahcpr asked an interesting question – on our blogs, who do we write for? Do we write what we like, or do we try to cater to what others like? That required more than a 140 character answer.

The truth is, I can’t write to what others want, because I have no way of knowing what it is you want to read. So, I write here the same way I write my fiction. What comes from my heart comes out through my fingers. I put everything I can into it, and I hope that someone, somewhere, will enjoy reading the final product.

While I work on Rakkot Eyes, Pierre frets. If I put in Bible verses at the beginning of some chapters, he fears that it will turn away some readers who are expecting a solidly historical read. He’s probably right. If I have temple prostitutes and women having ritual sex before marriage, then he worries that it will turn away Christian readers. He’s probably right. Either way, someone ain’t gonna be happy. In the end, I will likely have a fairly long Author’s Note at the end explaining some of my decisions. And, of course, a reminder that the story is, after all, fiction.

On a totally unrelated note, I’ve been experimenting with Magpie, a service which purports to pay “publishers” for ad space in our Tweet stream. As interesting an idea as it is (and Magpie says I could make 156 Euros a month or almost $250 CAD), I’m not prepared to lose my very nice follow list, which currently stands at 763 followers. So what I’ve done is create another Twitter account – @marie_too – and I’ve invited those who want to see/send Magpie advertising to follow me there. It’s safe to say that anyone who is following me @marie_too is quite happy to receive Magpie advertising as they’ve effectively opted-in to receive it.

Anyway, although I’ve mentioned it a couple of times, @marie_too still has less than 20 followers, one of which is my main account @mariebeausoleil – this leads me to believe that most people really, really don’t want Magpie advertising.

Word count? Are we looking for word count? Alas, in the switching of computers between me and Pierre, I lost my Nanowrimo report card. *insert crying sounds* I know that I had 38,365 words when I started, and I’m trying to write 50,000 new words. My word count currently stands at 77,203 which means I have a lot of writing to do this week.

My word count by the end of the day should be 36, 674.

Currently, it stands at 34, 122.

Honestly, I should do a little extra if I can. The weather is terribly cold today, so that’s my excuse for not sticking my cute little nose out the window at all. (Okay, I do not have a cute little nose, but I still don’t want it to freeze and fall off. You think I’m kidding? It’s -17C plus windchill today!)

I know that I need to write more story about Laban (my main character’s father) and his new wife. As I’m reading what I’ve already written, I’m discovering that he’s really, really not a nice person. Early in the story, he regrets smacking around the slave woman who has been sharing his tent for decades. However, he doesn’t really feel bad about it, more of ‘Eh, shouldn’t do that to her.” Later, he has no problem with kicking her out of the tent when he gets married. In the women’s tent, his new wife comments on the bruise on her face by saying that her husband was displeased when her moon time came. So he’s an asshole, plain and simple. He’s a bully who picks on women and those who are weaker than he is. I think I’m pleased with this. I don’t want him to be a sympathetic character. After all, he purposely switches brides when Jacob gets married. He’s not a stupid man, so he had to know that this would cause problems for everyone. He doesn’t care. So, yes, he’s the sort of man who would beat up his wife or his female slave, and the sort of man who would marry a much younger wife instead of an older widow.

I’m struggling with how much to write about Rachel at the Inanna temple with her aunt. This was a fertility cult, and everything I have read about fertility cults says that they treated sex as something beautiful. Now, this is not something we learned in Sunday School, you know, that Rachel and Leah grew up in a fertility cult culture. What does this mean? Well, no one knows. I want to portray things accurately, except I worry that those who read this story expecting a “Bible-based” tale are going to have a rude surprise. Anyone who believes, as we were taught in Sunday School, that the Patriarchs and their families were all “good little Jews” (or rather, “good little Christians-in-waiting”!) will not like my story. Because … well, they aren’t.

I wish I could sit down with an expert an ask some questions:
What would it mean, day to day, or before marriage, to grow up in a fertility cult?
Would a girl approaching marriage be taught “the art of love”? If so, what would that mean?
Was virginity important, or are we only assuming it was because it was later?
If nomadic women had the “red tent” or the “women’s tent” during menstruation, what did city women do? Could this have been a bone of contention between city and tent relatives?

I’ve also realized that I’ve focused a lot on the women and Inanna and included absolutely nothing about the moon god Sin. Apparently the city of Haran had a huge temple for him. Which leads me to the question of just *how* big these temples could be?

I realize that it’s likely no one knows the answers to many of these questions, so my guess is as good as anyone’s. It would be nice, however, to talk with someone who studies these things professionally.

Well, I have a lot of writing to do today. 2552 words or more. That’s only going to work if the baby behaves wonderfully today.

Well, I think comments are working! Hurray! I only had to completely destroy my blog in order to do it. Okay, I can get all of that back. I need to figure out how to change the font and font size for my blog lists, turn my labels back into a label cloud, add my Twitter button back, get my tracking code back on. Yea, just a few things to do.

My word count is:
21747 Nanowrimo words
60382 Total words

I’ve introduced a cook who knew Leah’s mother, and I found out that Leah’s father is quite fond of quails. I’ve introduced a childhood enemy of Leah’s who, like many childhood enemies, remembers her quite fondly. I’ve set up Leah’s slave girl as desperately wanting children but scared because she lost her first two. (I don’t mean miscarriages)

All in all, it’s all pulling together nicely.

And, yea, if you’d like to follow me in Twitter (I’m semi-active), I’m at http://www.twitter.com/mariebeausoleil

It is Rememberance Day. When I was a child, we all marched in the town parade and then stood around the town’s War Memorial while the remaining veteran’s were honoured.

Does that even happen any more? Are there any vets left?

I’m only 36 and the world has changed so much in my lifetime. I don’t think that there’s ever been a period of time in history where things have changed so rapidly. I grew up using a rotary dial phone and long distance calls were horribly expensive, and now we use Twitter and blogs to communicate with strangers all over the phone.

I’m loving Twitter. I’ve already met so many interesting people. If you read this, I’d love to have you follow me. I do tit-for-tat following, so I’ll add you as soon as I notice.

Rakkot Eyes is at 54,376 words, which means I have 15, 714 Nanowrimo words done. By the end of today, that number needs to be at 18,333. This is going to be a bit of a struggle, since I woke this morning with a headache and a sore throat. I’m such a bad Mommy, because I shoved some Honeycombs and a bottle of milk at the baby, turned on Treehouse and crawled under a blanket on the couch. I’m up now, but oh, I saw want to crawl back onto that couch. If he naps today, I’ll be napping, not writing.

So let’s see how I do by the end of the day. Perhaps I can give Leah a bad cold? I assume people got the common cold 4000 years ago?

It seems that the book publishing industry took a real kick in the teeth during October. An amazing number of books were returned to the publishers. Did you know that bookstores are really consignment shops? If the books don’t sell, the bookstore gets a full refund.

The more I learn about the publishing industry, the more I wonder why they even bother. Really – they must love the written word even more than we writers do, because I can’t see any other reason for them to do it.

At any rate, here’s the plea coming from Editorial Ass, and I agree with her completely. Buy books for yourself and for gifts.

I’m going to talk with my darling this weekend and try to convince him that We Must Buy Books. I know he’ll give me a stern, over-the-glasses look and, while maintaining that steady gaze on me, point to our beleaguered budget. I shall then plead and say “But if the publishing industry disappears, who will publish Rakkot Eyes when it’s ready?” He’ll tell me that we cannot rescue the publishing industry with our meagre bank account.

I shall try, though. If I can convince him, I’ll post what books I buy.

Word count … my Nanowrimo word count stands at 8528, leaving Rakkot Eyes at a total of 47 163 words. I’ve managed to combine one minor-in-this-book-but-major-in-the-next character with another minor character, which gave me inspiration for a few interesting plot points. She is a slave, owned by a friend of the main character, and her primary function is to have babies for her barren owner. She is the surrogate mother, wet nurse, and primary caregiver for children who legally and socially belong to another. And she’s just barely out of puberty. Character motivations are building in this book in order to fully pay dirt in the next.

Right now, I’m struggling with one thing. Have you ever heard of temple prostitutes? Well, the story has always been that women who worship Inanna must go to the temple at least once in their adult lives (I once read that it had to be before marriage) and offer themselves to the first man who tossed a coin their way. This story has always been told to show the debauchery of those long-ago people.

Well, now some scholars are saying that it never happened and that there is no evidence that any of the regular women engaged in this, and that not even the priestesses did.

If it did happen, then they would not have thought about it the way we do. It would be more along the lines of – a woman’s virginity is sacred and therefore belongs to the goddess. The goddess would oversee the selection of which man chose her, and the two of them would then embody the god and goddess. In other words, from the moment he gave her the money, the two of them would cease to exist as mortal humans.

I’m leaning toward using it. The major character who is going to do this is heavily influenced by her aging, powerful aunt, who was once a high priestess and enacted the Sacred Marriage with the king. Having this character engage in the Sacred Marriage as a laywoman will cause horrific conflict between her and her husband later, because he is monotheistic and his people don’t do this.

Because my novel is based upon the Biblical story of Leah, Rachel, and Jacob, I read the opinions of many people regarding that time period. In general, it goes like this — back in the day when polygamy was the norm and people were barely civilized, all women got along and loved each other and everyone else unlike the barbaric, hateful men.

I call Bullshit on this.

Let’s tear this apart a point at a time.

Polygamy was the norm. No, it wasn’t. (First, polygamy means multiple spouses. Polygyny means multiple wives.) I’m pretty certain that Biblical authors mentioned polygynist marriages because they were out of the ordinary. The Law of Hammarabi makes it very clear that a man could legally take a second wife only if 1) his primary wife was unable to have children AND 2) she refused to provide him with a slave surrogate mother. So, guess what? Jacob’s marriage to Rachel was *illegal* according to the laws of the time. (It was also illegal by later Jewish law because he was married to two sisters)

People were barely civilized. It’s surprising how civilized they were, actually. I’ve come upon indications that the Bronze Age people could do surgery like removal of ovaries and eye surgery. It was a very different culture than ours, but it was amazingly civilized.

But here’s the part that really gets me. The women all loved each other and took care of each other and protected each other from the mean old men. *Gag* I couldn’t even finish The Red Tent because the completely unrealistic portrayals of women drove me nuts. “Oh, you’re also marrying the man I love? Oh, well, that’s okay, because you’re also a woman and I loves ooo.”

Okay, I’m a woman. I think women can be an awesomely powerful force when we try. However, we can also be some pretty nasty, mean, miserable bitches. Come on, deny it.

Oh, some people say, but that’s only when men are involved. No. I’ve had lesbian friends, and I’ve been to some all-women events. Women are women. We get petty, mean and jealous. Oh, do we get jealous!

Well, you might say, it’s different in times and places where polygyny is the norm. No. I’ve been involved with the polyamorous community at times, and the number one problem that they have is *jealousy*. These are people who are committed to the notion of Not Monogamy, and they have to deal with jealousy problems all the time. (They just deal with it differently than monogamous people do.)

If you’re expecting monogamy and suddenly find yourself sharing the man you love *with your sister*, are you going to be loving and sweet with her? Are you going to say, Oh, that’s fine, we’ll just alternate nights. I love my sister and we’re friends, but I’d rip her eyeballs out if she slept with my husband. (If she’s reading this, she’s thinking “Uh-huh, and right back at you.”)

Seriously — if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, think about your husband sleeping with your *SISTER*. Can you feel the blood boiling?

Also, a number of years ago, I belonged to a wonderful parenting group where I was the only white and non-Muslim woman. (Seriously – I bought a scarf and started wearing it so that I wouldn’t stand out so badly.) There really was a lot of camaraderie and support. I loved being part of that group, and I really gained a lot of respect for Muslim women during that time.

At one point, we were talking about multiple marriages. The women made it very clear that a man was permitted, by the Koran, to have up to four wives, and they would not say anything against the Koran, regardless of their personal feelings. Fair enough. But what about here in Canada? What if one of their husbands wanted a second wife? Big smiles all around and “In Canada, man can have one wife only. He want more, we divorce. Canada law.” They were adamant – none of them would lie and cover up for a husband who wanted a second wife.

So there is my mini rant. I find it impossible to believe that Bronze Age women were always loving and fair and wonderful with each other, and I don’t believe that the average woman will happily share her man unless she has purposely and willingly *chosen* polygyny.

I’d really love to hear some other thoughts on this. Would you willingly share a husband with your sister?

Well, I found this little tidbit – Lulu Titlescorer – from the blog A Novel Month. It’s a lot of fun, not least because it predicts that Rakkot Eyes has a 69% chance of being a bestseller, based solely on the title.

Don’t worry, I’m not taking it seriously, but it’s good for a smile.

I’m having a really bad case of Writer’s Block today. Can’t write. Have the dumb.